Mea culpa, mea culpa,

Mea maxima culpa…

I have to confess that I am not good at communicating with the tongue, and I am better at it with the written word. At least I’m not a mime.

I can write and organize my feelings, but it takes time. Instantaneous, extemporaneous argumentation (not arguing) is not something I have ever been good at, nor will I ever be. It’s just not my makeup.

So what’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with that is, I’m not making money as a writer, and I’m not interacting with people with any degree of success because other people demand instantaneous, extemporaneous dialogue. They want the give and take, the repartee. They get some perverse pleasure from the thrill of someone misspeaking; they enjoy seeing someone at a loss for words. They like the games of tongue. But true human intercourse is more than words, I would hope. What about just reading people’s eyes? But that’s one-way communication you might say. Well, for some reason, people watch my eyes, and have accused me of drilling them with my eyes. I was born with my eyes. I didn’t do anything to change them. They just scare people. And I don’t even wear glasses.

So I’m writing. Don’t call.

This is a peach blossom in the first week of May, trying to survive the snow and cold of a Wasatch Spring.

Mea culpa, Mea culpa,

Mea maxima culpa…

It is time now for me to take responsibility for another. Not enough to try to keep things going for my ownself, staying away from the vices that so easily beset us; I must also now try to steer someone else away from vice, from wrong, from commandment-breaking. How? (Why?) The truth shall make you free. Is that the same as the truth will set you free? The truth? You can’t handle the truth. But on the other hand, truth is the only true antidote for miscreancy. When you have to stare the truth in the eyes, when you see the truth staring back at you and you realize you are naked before the truth, and it is not the naked truth, but the truth making you naked, then you can reset your bearings, and think to yourself, Maybe I am a piece of crap who needs to change my ways, change my life. So I must be the one who brings out the truth, puts it in front, turns on the light, and points at it—the truth—while going through the list of things that are wrong and commandment-breaking, things that drive others away. Addiction. Abuse of substance. Even legal. Inebriated. Slurring. Loud. Nonsensical. All the things on the list. Will it make a difference? Will the truth set us all free, me of having to do this? Will everybody see the truth who needs to see the truth?

??

??

On verra.